Don't relise I am created this blog. Now already near 8 months pregnant. since pregnancy, maybe this is the first time get argument with him. Since pregnant, he is first time consider temper improved. Many time if he angry can see he will tried to control himself. I am not sure is it because of baby of because as what he said he learning to improve. Maybe he is right. But i am worry after baby delivered, he will back to usual. Meantime, I am trying to talk to myself said, is ok if he back to normal. I must learn to manage and control my emotional. I am cannot been influenced by him easily.
Things seem turned good to me. Always hoped for a baby, now have one. Always hoped to have less stressful job, now have one. Although it is not stress free job, somehow it is much less stress compared to job i had since graduate. Always hoped to be housewife, now seem the dream came true. But, am I happy with this?
I am happy of his achievement. Meantime, I need to let go a few things. Leaving parent alone at home, let go my career, let go my usual saving and start need to depend for him for money. Begin the life of taking care of home, taking care of baby. I am unclear of the road in front. Will him felt like what usual people felt of I should appreciate what is given to me? maybe I should. Think back will all the responsible throw to me ? Will him know am I really love to do all this ? WIll him think that I am satisfy too ?
Actually cannot blame him. Most of a man will felt the same.
On another topic. I am always get upset when he trying to spend for his family. But i always tell myself why am I care so much as this is his money and should up to him to spend. Meantime, why am I always helped him to save but same time he is spending to his family. Why when going to spend money to my own family, he didn't as generous ? Also, when come to spend time for my family, I will trying to save for him. I am doing extra. Why am I need to make myself unhappy over this? Should him appreciate of this or am I should be blamed to do this ? Is it I do not know how to manage this relationship? Is it I should let him felt the same way by mirroring what he did ?
I am not sure who can tell me. telling my family all this will make me felt worse as for sure they will support me and saying things worse. Telling friend, this is stupid move....
